Mi Madre, May 2013
I was watching people do the last minute scramble for Mother's Day cards yesterday and I chuckled to myself. I wondered how many times I did that. I was usually pretty good about picking out something meaningful ahead of time, but I must admit there are years I waited later than I should have. I thought about what cards people choose...some funny, some super emotional, some pretty generic. I wonder if I put enough effort into making sure my mom knew how much she meant to me.
There are a lot of things I want to say to my mom for Mother's Day that a card never got across. It makes me sad to think I can never say them to her face, but I hope she knew. I hope she still knows. We struggled with communication for many years, but always remained close. Fortunately, we were "BFF" before she died. She was so happy to say that, and so am I. If she were here right now, I would skip the store-bought card and tell her this...
Thank you for staying up with me when I was a sickly little kid...For putting my head in your lap and trying to soothe me however you could when I had asthma so bad. I think about those times 30 years later and can hear the sound of your voice and it soothes me still.
Thank you for reading to me, for taking us to the library, and for instilling a love of books and words in us. One of my earliest memories is you reading The Giving Tree to me and wiping me tears away because I always cried. You sharing your love of words with me is one of the best things you could ever have done.
Thank you for allowing us to be ourselves when we were kids. I think I was probably an atypical child, but you never forced me to do things I didn't feel comfortable with or made me feel inadequate because I was a little oddball.
Thank you for making hard decisions about education, church, and activities that you thought were the right ones, and for the sacrifices you made to raise us the right way. And thank you for being so honest and even a little sincerely regretful about it later in life when you realized some of those things were rough and sadly maybe not the best choices. We all learned that together, and I am grateful for all those lessons and how close they made us.
Thank you for teaching me to look for the good in people and to find some kind of common ground with folks. There is something good in everyone, and you always found it and loved people for who they are. You used to say that your daddy never met a stranger. Neither did my mother, and neither do I.
Thank you for teaching me that people do that best they can. I struggled with that one for a long time, and you always told me I was so hard on people. But I know now more than ever that most people do, in fact, do the best they can, and I love and respect them for it. I do the best I can, and sometimes even my best is a hot mess. And I love that you taught me that as long as you do the best you can, you can bounce back and be ok. You always were and I always am, too.
Thank you for teaching me the value of things. I know that if we had grown up with endless funds at our disposal, things might have been different. But I know that you worked hard to keep things nice for our family on an extremely limited budget. It is because of you that I know material things have no value compared to the life of love you make, and that's what is important.
Thank you for your love of music, and raising us in a house where there was always a good song on. Music has been one of the most important forces in my life, and I am so lucky to have grown up listening to great music and you always helping me feel the meaning behind the lyrics. Amazing.
Thank you for your sense of humor. Laughing with you was always my favorite. And knowing how many rough things we all went through, it is nice to have been taught it is ok to laugh in spite of it. In fact, it is the best thing you can do. You never lost your sense of humor, all the way up to the end. And that's comforting to me and a great example of finding the bright side.
Thank you for always thirsting for knowledge. You were one of the smartest people I knew, and I think you sometimes doubted that. But you were always seeking knowledge and trying to learn new things. I appreciate that more than you'll ever know.
Thank you for your optimism. I learned it from you, and sometimes it's all I have. Positive outlooks have saved my life.
Thank you for your sense of adventure. You ALWAYS wanted to try new things...sometimes it was a new cuisine, a new route to get somewhere, or hanging out with new people. Even the simplest things held such joy and excitement for you, and it is so nice to remember you be so genuinely happy about something as simple as dinner out at a new restaurant.
Thank you for being so proud of me. You made sure not to let it go unmentioned that you admired me and the woman I am working on becoming. You said you were so fortunate to have me for a daughter and a friend. That's the best thing I can imagine. I am a work in progress, mom...but I'm glad you saw it before you left this life, and I hope you see it happening now.
Thank you for the last advice I remember you giving...be happy. Don't be scared to be happy even if other people don't understand. Be kind and don't hurt anyone, but do what you have to for yourself. Life is to be enjoyed, not feared. I repeat those words every single day, without fail.
Happy Mother's Day to a remarkable woman, whose existence on this earth made the world a significantly cooler place.
xoarl
