Impacting Others Impacts You. Be impactful. - May 2014

A Short Story About How What We Say and Do Matters.
(disclaimer, my mood and funk are in this story just because they're relevant to how moving this was to me, especially because of my state...not because I want you to tell me I'm important or great. I am absolutely not fishing.)

I am tired. I can't even put into words how emotionally and mentally exhausted I am. I want to just quit...everything...ever. This week has been rough on me professionally, which led me to think deeply about my personal life, which led me into a full-fledged panic attack and existential crisis...a lot of "whys" and "what's the point?" type of stuff. I am currently right in the midst of a doozie of a meltdown. I'm just low, but I will be fine. I always am.

Our students do "Rites of Passage" presentations, which is a big to-do. This consists of an electronic presentation and speech about transitioning to high school and young adulthood and the lessons they've learned at San Jac, which they give to guests of their choice. Invitations are coveted by students and it is really touching to be a teacher that gets one of those only five invitations. Although some kids just do it because they have to or to impress their friends, most of them really put thought into it. It's always moving to hear their experiences in their words. Tears are often shed.

This afternoon, a young man invited me to his presentation. He's a good kid, we work well together, and I was pleased to get invited. Unfortunately, I had to grade one of these presentations at the same time and told him I might not make it, but I would try. Sometimes you just can't go. Something about his tone and his expression as he said "Oh, Miss you gotta come. Please try!" made me think I should find a way. I am fortunate enough to work at a place where everyone takes care of each other and I was able to move some things around, get a teacher on standby just in case, and I went. Good decision.

When I got up to the room, he was looking for me to help him tie his necktie (big to-do...dressing up and all). I thought it was sweet that the boys ask me to help them. Once I helped a kid at the beginning of the year (I'd learned as a middle school student from watching my dad teach my brother for our uniforms and it's come in handy as an 8th grade teacher). He had everyone there to see him with front row seats for his parents, all very sweet. And he presented.

The presentation follows a very specific pattern and it's the same format but with their individual experiences. It was pretty typical but very good. He was nervous, but he did a great job. He got to the end and was thanking his friends, parents, and teachers when he pointed and wanted to thank a "very special teacher." I honestly thought he was pointing to the teacher right behind me, but he said "Ms. Loftin" which obviously touched my heart. The interesting part was his reason and his emotional reaction.

At first I thought it was the nervous laughter thing, but then I realized he was crying. This kid, an 8th grade boy (just think about that for a second) was overwrought with emotion in a room full of other 8th grade students, teachers, and his family. His dad got up and hugged him and stood with his arm around him so that he could kind of get his composure back and finish.  He said that I helped him to be okay at a time when he was feeling very low. And that I got him out of it because I believed in him and let him know that. By the time he finished he wasn't the only one crying...it moved most of us there.

I thought about it all evening and it's not even something that was on my radar until he brought it up in his emotional conclusion. He is a GREAT kid, academically and in extracurriculars, sports, student council president, etc. A few months into the school year he was just different...his attitude, demeanor, work, and so on. I am laid back and give kids time to be in their moods. They need it, but he didn't bounce out of it. So maybe once or twice I just told him I noticed he wasn't himself and that I was worried about him and I know he is better than that. That's it. I truly never thought about it again and he got back on track.

For him, it changed his entire year. Those things that I said to him, as brief and casually as they may have been, altered his 8th grade year for the better...so much so that he, a 14 year old boy, wept in front of the most important people in his life while he thanked me for what I have done for him...because I cared and took 5 minutes to tell him. You can't even imagine the feeling that gives you...indescribable.

Now, I'm still pretty much mid-crisis. I am dazed and confused about the purpose of my life and why I even bother with anything. But regardless of the funk I am in, I impact people...kids at the most formative years of their life. That's really something. I can't really articulate my thoughts on all that because as you know, I'm insane. So let's wrap this up-- here's the moral of this musing...what we say to other people matters. The way we treat people matters. Good or bad, you may say something that changes someone's entire life and not even know you're doing it. You don't have to be a teacher to impact people...just be a person that cares. Be someone that moves someone so much that you change them for better. Take the time to be nice. No matter how awful everything gets sometimes, you'll always have that--the knowledge that you matter and you make a difference.

xoarl